I love the trade deadline. And I love the Minnesota State High School Hockey Tournament. What? They’re both today? Yahtzee! Here we go…
11:01 – TSN just had a musician live in studio to play them into break, begging for an interview with Brian Burke. I don’t normally agree with people who complain that the blanket coverage of the deadline is too much, but…that was ridiculous.
11:04 – Martin St. Louis is a New York Ranger, and apparently he whined his whole way there. If this was really about the Olympic snub (and wouldn’t it be great if every snub came with a gold medal?) how ridiculous is that?
11:09 – Hermantown vs. Luverne in the first game of the day. Ben Clymer gets the coverage off to a flying start by calling Luverne’s Jaxon Nelson “Jaxon Lang” twice while previewing the game. Would have been an ok mistake to make, if not for two things. 1) Ben is supposed to be an expert on this stuff and 2) Jaxon’s name was printed on the screen.
11:14 – Luverne being introduced. Their goalie Kendall Meyer has a fantastic David Hasselhoff-mullett. I will now be rooting for the Cardinals without shame.
11:19 – Why isn’t Luverne wearing St. Thomas’ jerseys? That seems to be the way to beat Hermantown, and besides, the Cadets aren’t using them.
11:23 – Took Hermantown 27 seconds to score. Luverne looks like a midget team in comparative size.
11:25 – Oilers trade Ales Hemsky to Ottawa for “draft picks.” No one saying what those draft picks will be. If I’m Edmonton, I casually hint to the media that it’s Ottawa’s first round pick for the next four years and see what happens.
11:39 – Luverne ties the game with a power-play goal. Perhaps this will not be the pasting I imagined. Sorry for not posting in 14 minutes. That Hemsky trade really blew my hair back.
11:46 – 2-1 Hermantown! A kid who I’m sure looks 25 just put them up for a second time. I didn’t go to high school with anyone who could even conceive of the very idea of a beard. These kids look like they’ve already given up on shaving as a lost cause.
11:49 – Luverne has 308 students! No wonder the stands are empty. Most of them are on the bench.
11:50 – Ben Clymer has mentioned about eight times that he thought Luverne would be getting their asses kicked by now. Be un-biased, Ben. Let the rest of us talk about that stuff.
11:56 – TSN is now reading tweets from a fake Sean Monahan twitter account. When they return from break, Ray Ferraro will water-ski over a shark.
12:04 – Michael Russo is mentioning the Wild have interest in Drew Stafford, presumably in their ongoing quest to become the 2009 Buffalo Sabres.
12:06 – Dave Nonis interviewed on TSN. Could be seen reading the “GM Trade Deadline Day” talking points script written by Bobby Clarke in 1996.
12:11 – Ben Clymer just compared Jaxon Nelson’s game to Hudson Fasching. Fasching was traded from L.A. to Buffalo today for defensemen Brayden McNabb. I love crossovers!
12:20 – Marian Gaborik traded to Los Angeles. Unless that trade includes an extra functioning groin, Columbus wins this one.
12:29 – Was off the high school game for a few minutes, but Luverne back to 3-2. Take that, Clymer!
12:36 – In case you were wondering, Jaxon Nelson is an eighth greater, as either Jim Erickson or Ben Clymer will tell you every. time. he. touches. the. puck.
12:44 – One hour and 16 minutes to go before the deadline and still the best (minus St. Louis) still in play. Is this going to be a crazy finish or an absolute bust? I’m guessing the latter.
12:59 – Marcel Goc and Tuomo Ruutu have been traded. Permission to freak out granted.
1:00 – The entire TSN staff just did a “selfie.” Edward R. Murrow just sat up in his grave, crapped his pants, and then rolled over.
1:06 – The inevitable has happened for Luverne. 5-2 Hermantown. Oh, well.
1:10 – TSN is writing the Canucks epitaph. I’ve never been so happy.
1:33 – Had to take twenty minutes out to shower and shed myself of the hobo-stank I was carrying around. Came back to find that Hermantown won 6-3, and that Tim Thomas got traded to Dallas. That’s too bad, I was hoping for a scenario in which Roberto Luongo gets a flat tire on I-95 in Coral Gables, and Tim Thomas shows up with this pump to save the day. They then open a night club together. Buddy comedy ensues.
1:36 – Nick Schultz traded to Columbus for a first round pick, meaning that the Schultz for Gilbert deal from a few years ago was a bust all around.
1:37 – Chisago Lakes vs. New Prague coming up in game 2. I prefer Old Prague, but if you aren’t into culture and playwright presidents, it’s cool. I bet Old Prague doesn’t have an announcement for a 24-hour drug disposal box on the main page of their website.
1:40 – It’s still saying that Florida acquired TBA for Tim Thomas. If Arrested Development is to be believed, this is a pretty bad deal for the Panthers.
1:49 – What is Chisago Lakes logo? It looks like someone decided to make up an old english letter for the hell of it. Not a fan.
1:53 – Oh, it’s a W. My bad. Still not a fan.
1:57 – Russo tweeting that Matt Moulson to the Wild is “in the works.” This could be about to get interesting.
2:03 – Deadline is technically passed, but that’s not necessarily the end of things. Still waiting to hear about Moulson. Terrified about what the Wild would have to give up to get him.
2:12 – Nothing yet on Moulson, but TSN has picked up on the Moulson to Minny idea. This suspense is killing me.
2:13 – Gord Miller says Tomas Vanek has been traded, but not sure where. This has been a fantastic fifteen minutes.
2:16 – TSN guys are now just guessing on Vanek destination. Someone give these guys something to talk about.
2:18 – Detroit just picked up David Legwand from Nashville. Legwand is from Michigan, so that seems like it was an inevitability. Secretly hoped that the Wild would go in for Legwand, but oh well.
2:20 – I always love when a big scorers are about to be traded, and fans get on twitter/message boards to bitch about how they wouldn’t want the player because he doesn’t back check. Vanek taking it on the chin right now. Also, apparently Montreal gets him.
2:21 – Florida’s pickup in the Thomas deal was apparently fellow goalie Dan Ellis, a career backup. Frankly, I’d rather have TBA.
2:23 – Latest news on Moulson is that the Wild traded Torrey Mitchell and “a pick” for Moulson and Cody McCormick, who adds some toughness. This may have been an excellent deal, depending on what the pick is.
2:30 – Russo reporting the Moulson deal, specifically mentions that he has been incredibly durable over the past three seasons (which is true). Mark it, Moulson blows both knees out in Dallas on Saturday night now.
2:32 – Garth Snow apparently doesn’t get a first round pick for Vanek. Perhaps this means he’s as good as fired, but remember this: Snow’s boss is Charles Wang, so he may very well keep his job forever. Wang doesn’t care at all.
2:36 – Dave Nonis’ press conference has gone on forever. The man made no trades, so why is this happening. I’m starting to imagine that this is what watching CNN or Fox News all day is like.
2:42 – I’d still like to know what the draft pick(s) is from the Moulson deal, so I know how to react.
2:45 – Flipped back to the high school kids just in time for Alex Gregor to score a rocket from the low slot for New Prague. They score again as I’m typing. This is carpal-tunnel inducing. 3-1 Trojans.
2:51 – 4-1 New Prague now. I may have to find another way to spend my afternoon.
3:06 – Roberto Luongo press conference in Florida. I can’t tell whether I should hate Luongo for seeming like a whiner at times or praise him for being one of the few players in the league who is brutally honest about the business of sports. Someone tell me what to think. My brain is shot.
3:09 – Rostislav Klelsa has been traded twice in the last 24 hours, ends up going from Phoenix to Washington to Buffalo. Ouch.
3:11 – Luongo takes on the Tim Thomas question head on with seemingly no filter. Dammit, can’t hate this guy.
3:28 – Great overhead shot of the X as New Prague and Chisago Lakes come out for the third. Ice looks pristine. Wonder how it will look on Saturday night after 14 games?
3:43 – 5-2 New Prague. That’s the business. Also the two picks in the Moulson deal were second round picks in 2014 and 2016 (the 2014 pick was acquired for Setoguchi, so the Wild had an extra. I’ll digest the deal and break it down in another post. That’s it for me on this!